Glass...

Hey everyone! as a fore word i would just like to say thank you for reading my first Public blog. I am most certainly not new to blogging or writing, until now i have not allowed the general public to ever read my work. This is because my writing is very personal to me, and usually deals with topics that are very close and tender to my heart. Up until this point, i haven't wanted the "world" to know how i truly felt about life and the ways things are according to me. I was partially embarrassed of my feelings and the way I expressed myself within them. With that- I invite you to enjoy of my thoughts, expressions, writings and feelings. I hope you will enjoy how i express myself and the method and style that i write.

Craig.

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Have you ever felt that there was a barrier between where you want to go and where you are?

Have you ever been trapped by an unseen wall? kind of like a glass ceiling?


Yesterday I attended Elders meeting. A dear friend of mine made a comment in class that stuck to my brain. As i learned, and felt the spirit of the class, and ate of the teachings offered to me. I kept finding myself pondering the concept that he had brought out in the class. I don't think he had any intention of sparking anyone to mind delving thought and serious contemplation by his comment. I was deffinitely one, if the only, person that really pondered the truth of what he said. I will sometime after this, maybe he will even read it before i see him next, tell him of the thought processes that struck me and grew because of him.

I work at a commonly known gas station. I don't really don't think it's what most would call a "fulfilling" job. At one point i was contemplating the possibility of forgetting college and just working up the business chain of Maverik. I was confident in my own abilities to truly consider this an option. I later realized this wasn't my desire at all. When i truly realized and thought about my options and chances of getting where i thought i could in the company, i realized the chances were slim to none. And that if i didn't make what i was aiming for, i would be stuck in a high stress job with no hope of ever growing from that position.

The comment was made by dear friend that last Elders meeting, that: " when i am out working in and for the world there is always a glass ceiling, there is a limit of where i can go, and how high i can climb. But when i am working and building up the kingdom of God there is always another step up, Another level to attain, more to learn, more to gain for all eternity". This planted a mighty seed, This started a mighty blaze, this churned inside me from the moment that i heard it. I had to think about it, ponder it and wrap myself around it the best i could. I felt the truth in it seeping out at ever angle and it was delicious to me. I had to write about this one, I couldn't just let my feelings dwell inside me i had to share this with the whole world i live in! Well, at least everyone that reads it! Lucky you Mr. or Ms. Reader ;)

Starting with myself, Looking back at all the things i have worked for. The things i have selfishly desired and worked for merely to please my own demands. At the time they seemed great. I didn't always get what i worked for, but a lot of times i did. When i had finally gotten these things i have worked so hard to have, they felt... somewhat less satisfying than i was expecting. At the time, during these moments, i never stepped back and realized what this feeling of dissatisfaction and near disappointment was yelling in my face. But nevertheless, i kept on pursuing my own selfish desires, without any thought of my neighbor, or even my family at times. I have a tendency to be a very selfish person. At this point in my travel through life, i didn't recognize how selfish, uncaring, and cold i was being to the whole world around me. As i was saying, this message of dissatisfaction, was from the Spirit of God, i believe, ever trying to help me see reality beyond my petty desires. There was a small time that i seemed to be getting everything that i was going for. Things were good, i was getting my way, and everything was all happy-go-lucky right? Wrong. I started noticing a hole inside myself. Here i had almost everything i wanted and yet.. i felt near empty in a lot of places.

With the help of Almighty God, in His endless mercy, my eyes were opened to reality. I had been staring through this glass ceiling. My nose had finally smashed into this invisible wall in my path to "happiness". I had been looking up to the things of the world seeing how they could never stop going up, friends, parties, student government, dances, college life, girls, man, it was all there and mine for the taking. Nothing was going to get in my way. All the while, i was looking up through this unspoken glass ceiling. Eventually God allowed me to realize i was hitting this ceiling. At first, like usual, i fought against it. I didn't like that i had hit some sort of barrier. I didn't like that fact that i all of the sudden had to pay the price of my aspirations. After much trial and tribulation, i started realizing my current state. I knew so much of Gods teachings and his ways, yet i put myself first. I wanted to do, and be what i wanted. Gods ways weren't as "fun" or "satisfying". Good one satan, i believed you for a time. It is understatement, to say that this is an understatement to say trials and tribulations. We are talking 13 years of climbing the wrong set of stairs. Maybe sometime i'll write about the more challenging, yet stronger growing and learning experiences that have tried me down to my very core.

After a few very difficult and trying experiences the Lord allowed (even though i brought it onto myself) me to experience, i realized what i have been doing. I peeled my now flat nose of the "ceiling" and looked behind me. Looking onto my accomplishments, looking onto the steps i've been climbing all this time. It was just a little bit humiliating to see how very little i had actually traveled. Come to find out that i hadn't been climbing at all. I was still just standing there where i had been the whole time. The climbing i thought i had made was my head was just tilted back and i was staring up at the glass ceiling that was just above my head. My friends comment in Elders class helped me to see (after the fact that i had turned my life around) that we as people cannot progress at all unless we are looking the right direction. If we (craig included) cannot look in the right direction, are we moving at all? well technically yes, we are, because if we are not moving towards God we are moving away from him. But for this analogy that i am using, the answer is no.

After rubbing my neck a little bit, and unscrunching my nose, i looked just ahead me. And boy, what a discovery did i make. i was actually already on a stair way, but not like the one i had seen before. I wanted to just serve myself, and go straight to the top and get those rewards, without the work, without taking the steps that are necessary to get them. When i took a better look around, i saw what was at the top of the stairs. It was my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. His hand outstretched towards me. Beckoning me to climb to him, urging me to follow in his footsteps. It would seem obvious that i would instantly begin to run with all my might to get to him, right? Well, i didn't run instantly i took a look around to see all my options. I was placed in a postion on the stairwell, not alone, but above the majority of my brothers. By this, i mean, i was placed in a position to have so much more of the truth than most of my brothers here on the earth. There were many that started out so much farther from him, Our Saviour. But here i was, not progressing, not working my way any closer to Him. I felt pretty shameful because of this. I noticed that there was for the whole of the stairs, a glass ceiling above it. Filled with visions of glory, fame, wealth, recognition, power, fortune, pride, possessions, fine clothing, cars, all manner of carnal desires, and several other things of this world. Some were drawn to certain things, some were partial to others. It seemed as if everyone had certain things that seemed almost more pleasing than our Saviour. Here i was, just like everyone below my level just staring up into this barrier of imaginations of the world and babylon.

After my eyes were graciously opened through experience and trials, i knew what i must do. I must get to my Saviour at all costs. I have no time to waste on looking up anymore. I have been taught, and known all my life that Jesus could offer me so much more than any vain ambition of the world could ever get me. I made up my strong mind that i would from this point on, keep my eyes on the Saviour, and work towards him. i mourn for the time i spent with my nose stuck to that ceiling staring, wishing, working, and wasting my precious time here in this mortal stairwell, on these worthless things that i see through the glass. How much farther could i be up this stairwell now open to my eyes. But there isn't much time to waste mourning, it's time to move on. Jesus Christ gave his very life for me. So that i might be given a chance to earn my exaltation and be with him again. That i might, if i overcome my visions through the glass, become a joint heir with Him in our Eternal Fathers Kingdom. This desire became my true desire. This was my calling, this was my duty, this was my life, and like a train, it all hit me instantly. I was told directly through His patriarch, in a blessing, that i was forgiven of my most fierce and challenging sin. This i had previously thought impossible. But this was strength i needed to get back to climbing up these stairs to my Lord.

When i had reached the place where i thought i saw Jesus standing and calling me, He was not there. He was yet further up the stairs that i had not previously seen. I was not discouraged by this, but i stopped to think for a moment. With a little more investigation i saw that this journey was not one that ended. That i must always be working towards my Saviour, and reaching up to him. He opened the doorway that i, and all who are worthy and never stop climbing, might climb these holy steps to him, and be with him again in celestial glory. He is watching, He is waiting to see, He is calling to all those will look down from the glass ceiling, He desires for each one of us to find him. But he cannot pull us away by force. He will not force you to stop following after the vain things of babylon, He will also, never stop calling us from out of babylon either. His spirit whispers in our ears, while we are stuck with our noses on the glass, to come to him, to act as we know, and use the strength we have been given to find him.

I want to follow my Saviour with all my heart. While i feel my heart is on the right climb now, still working up the stairs, I still have to climb the steps as they get harder, taller, narrower, easier to fall off. Every step i do climb, i get a little better at climbing, i gain a little more confidence that i can make this next big step. Eventually i pray to be able to climb the steps of my Lord Jesus Christ with full and unaltered confidence that i can, through His sacrifice, be found worthy of living with my Father and my Saviour again in the Celestial Kingdom. As i climb and overcome each step one by one, i long to have all my loved ones with me side by side, to strengthen me on my journey. And maybe through my experience help others with steps that i have already conquered and they help me with ones i am still climbing.

I want to thank my dear friend for making this comment in meeting yesterday morning. It provided a way for me to analogically explain the last 2 years, and few months specifically, in a way that is much shorter and to the point. Even this is a just a tid bit of the inspirations The Spirit opened to my heart. I want to bear testimony to you (the reader) that this would have been impossible to write, and explain without the help of His guiding spirit. I would also like to bear testimony to you that i know our redeemer lives. And that he died for you, in your sins, that you might repent and be forgiven. That you may be made spotless again, as a child, before the Lord your God at that last day of judgment. If forgiveness can be found for a sinner like me, i know without a shadow of a doubt that it can be found for you as well.

Know that i love you, whoever you may be, with all my heart.


Craig.