Scars... Tokens...

Have you ever had something special that always reminded you of a cherished time or memory?

Was there anything at any point in your life that made a memory that you can't ever forget?



The other day i was looking routinely at my hands. I noticed the slightly off skin colored stripe, about a half-inch long, just to the left of my first knuckle, on my left hand. I have had this subtle, but mentally vividly reminding, scar for what's coming close to a year now. As i studied it, and thought for a moment, my first thought was how the Lord saw fit to spare my life. I am so grateful that i seemed important enough, in my own unrighteousness, to have my life spared. I put myself, knowingly mind you, in a very dangerous situation. And yet, here i am, typing this blog. This was during a portion of my life that i payed very little attention to my religious standards. I didn't live up to my duties like i should have. I pretty much was leading a selfish, undirected, stiffnecked, unforgiving, disrespecting, harsh speaking, irreverent, displeasing, and dishonoring life. The worst part is: I KNEW IT. I just cared more about number 1, (myself) and taking the easy way out to everything. I was just living out my college life, having "the time of my life."

Well the truth was, i was just covering up the way i truly felt. I knew i was miserable, i knew i wasn't enjoying my choices, i knew i was supposed to be acting differently, i knew i wasn't doing what i should be. But, it was easier to just say i was having fun, and everything was going to be fine, than to face the music of my actions. Well, that fateful night i decided (against my parents wishes) to attend a Halloween dance, this was no small dance, and by no means a dance of standards. I had been awake for over 24 hours at this point when i decided to finally head home at 3 AM. I took my friend Jeremiah home first. Orem to Riverton, i was fine, kinda drowsy. When i was at Jeremiahs house, i knew i would have trouble getting home. I was so exhausted. But i kept telling myself that i could make it because i was so close to home already. I am not so sure that these thoughts were my own, now looking back, but who knows. I decided to go ahead and leave anyway. well i dowsed off a few times. eventually i woke up to bumps. When i realized that i was off the road, i jerked the wheel to right violently. I was going 65 miles and hour, down hill. Well jerking the wheel was just about the worst thing i could have done. The result: flipping my car end for end 6 times, and jumping a 10 foot fence landing upside down. Immediately, after what felt like an hour of being violently shaken and battered, i did a broken bone check made sure everything worked before i tried to get out. I was hanging upside down in my seat belt. I pushed all of my body weight up with my left arm, while i freed myself from my seat belt. (which saved my life by the way) after a few moments of disbelief i realized i just destroyed my car, and i was injured.

In comparison to the severity of my accident, i was virtually uninjured. I had a few cuts, some tender bruises, and few stitches. My eye was pretty swollen for a week or so, but overall a very small price to pay for the accident i was in. Only God's divine intervention could have left me in such and amazingly ok condition. The paramedics wouldn't belief me when i answered their questions about where i was hurting and how little or no pain there was.

God has a mission for me. I knew that this was another gentle pat on the back of my head in right direction, my Father sure has a work for me. This was my call to wake up, or literally Break up. Now i knew i had a mission, i just had to find out what it was. I have to seek it out, i need to find myself in a world thats trying to tell me who i am and that i have no choice but to listen to the them. Well i say this to you world! NO! You will not have me. I will not let you win. I will fight you, i will conquer you, i will not heed your will, i will not let you take me! not at any cost! I pray that God will guide me, as i near myself unto him by following his commandments that are designed to bring me more happiness than anything in the entire world can offer me. It was genuinely difficult to see the truth of this, while i was in bondage to the Games, Movies, Music, and other things that i allowed to take control of my life and tell me what and who i was.

After my accident i started feeling off, after i would watch a movie, or play a computer game, or do anything, that i felt was wasting my time. I just felt like i could have spent my time doing something more constructive and satisfying. I didn't take action and fix this problem in my life as fast as i should have, but late is better than never. When i finally got around to cleaning some of these silly things out of my life, God decided to test me, and see if i really would stand up to my word. I ended up being lazy-boy recliner ridden for over 2 months with no ability to walk. What was i to do? watch movies? play computer games? i sure could have, and man it was so tempting at times, and i came so close to breaking my word. I had to fill the gap. You can't just take something off a boat that has been balancing it and keeping it floating without putting something else in it's place. I endeavored to read scripture or uplifting and gospel teaching books. I limited myself to gospel oriented, and teaching movies as well. No computer games whatsoever, and only hymn type and uplifting music. I read, and learned more about the gospel than almost the whole of my life previous to that point. In just 2 months, i grew and learned so much, and my testimony when from a seedling to strong and mighty young tree. Growing every day, i pray to have a testimony of an ancient and immovable tree. A testimony no man, no nothing can remove from it's place.

As i looked over all the new scars i have acquired, i realized how many i have received a very short period of time. That's what started my ever unique thought processes that inspired this writing. In the last short period of time, i have learned and gained so much. I have put upon myself new bookmarks in my life. New tokens of remembrance that i will have for the rest of my life. I pray they will always remind me of the Lord's mercy and love for me. I have also 3 new scars on my knee from my surgery that was nothing short of a miracle. Once again, in the last little while the Lord showed me his love for me. I am starting to wake up to the reality of the depth of our Heavenly Fathers' love for all of his children, he is bursting at the seems to poor his blessings out to us, and have us feel his unending and incomprehensible love for each one of us.

Jesus Christ also took upon himself tokens, as symbols of ultimate love for us. I am in no way shape or form comparing myself on any level to our dear and merciful Saviour, but i thought i would mention a likeness. He allowed his temple to be maimed, beaten, bruised, and ultimately destroyed that he might pay the price of endless judgment on our heads. I want to publicly
thank him for that sacrifice on my behalf.

I want all of you readers, whoever you may be, to look back and think about all the times that the Lord has provided for you, when you thought it impossible, yet it happened. Please reflect on everything that has been provided for you, out of grace and love. The air the we breathe, the food we eat, the shoes we wear, the toilet paper we have, the couches we sit on, I want you to be grateful for everything that you have and have been given! I hope that i can emulate the great and endless love i feel towards you in a pleasing manner! If i offend you in anyway, because believe it or not i'm not perfect! please make me aware, and i will make it right the best that i can.

In closing this piece, i want you to look back, and ponder your own personal tokens. Look and see what you have that reminds you of the Lords mercy and love for you. Find something that helps you to want to do better, and live an exemplary life, and live up to the standards that you know you should! don't be stupid like me and wait until Heavenly Father has to step in and show you the hard way, when His way is always available.

Mosiah 14:5

...he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

I love you all, thank you for giving my writings your valuable time. I hope that you feel your time was not wasting in reading this piece.

Your servant and loving friend,

Craig